“Do you think you’re working too hard Dad?” The question stopped me in my tracks.
I was in Lisbon with my son Harry on a weekend away together and out of the blue, with that single question he had unwittingly punctured my armour of self-protection.
Hearing myself reply: “I don’t know how to relax any more” made me realise that perhaps something was wrong.
I’d been the CEO of the British Athletes Commission for over five years and, unbeknown to me over that time, I had been “subjected” to vicarious trauma while offering advice, support and guidance to world class athletes from over 40 sports; often when they were anxious, stressed or suffering from a mental illness.
That weekend Harry and I talked about the pressure I was under and my sense of isolation in my role and how it had led to a feeling that my work wasn’t valued by the system I worked in – even though it was hugely valued by the athletes I worked with.
Within a week I’d been signed off work. I was burnt out. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression. But it was at that point I knew I’d reached the bottom of the valley.
Harry’s question not only triggered our conversation but also the start of my journey back towards better mental health.
It’s good to talk - properly - to people you trust and about the things that really matter.
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