Jay Jay René & Adam: Rallying together for their late mates
Londoners Jay Jay, René and Adam have been friends for over 25 years. After losing two of their childhood friends to suicide, they share the journey of embarking on a 100-mile walk challenge together and the importance of keeping in touch with your mates.
Jay Jay’s story
Friendship has always been important to me. At school is where I met some of my longest-standing friends. René, who I’d walk to every class with. And Pierce and Clark, who I'd catch the bus to school with every day.
Being from an all-boys secondary school, we grew up under the ethos of ‘men for others’ I.e. we all look out for one another.
After secondary school, I’d kept contact with my friends. But as time passed, and life got in the way, some of us fell out of touch. That was when Pierce and Clark took their lives.
Through grief and loss, I quickly realised the danger in taking on the challenge of life alone as a man.
This sent me to a dark place internally. Realising that we all took on a similar burden from the event, we collectively came up with a line called “don’t let it take you under”, which was a common check-up line that we would say to each other. It meant keep your head above water and don’t fall into a sunken place.
Progressing from that I knew that just treading above water metaphorically was a temporary fix and we started going with a more positive outlook that “the only way is up”, which gave birth to mine and René’s idea to form ELEV8T; A health and well-being brand to promote continual and gradual growth mentally, physically and spiritually.
I’d always wanted to do an organised charity event, to highlight the taboo topic of mental health. So, when Rene asked me to join him on the monumental journey of a 100-mile walk, I was ready. I was prepared to endure whatever was necessary, to help him reach a goal – which I’m grateful to say we achieved together.
Flying Movember’s banner has helped raise awareness and highlight topics that need to be considered more in my community.
I’ve been inspired to send out a simple, but positive message about companionship and self-improvement. Be grateful for who we have in our lives friendship is more valuable than we can imagine. Never be afraid to reach out and speak out to those friends, because they are gifts in our lives.
I went on TV and radio to talk about these things, and it’s shown me that I’m being put in blessed positions for a reason. I want to use these platforms to shed a positive light on my take on life. I’ve spoken with the head of mental health at my old college in Enfield and inspired a class of primary school kids in Coventry to be kind to their mind. I hope that between my messages and the 100-mile walk challenge, I can spark inspiration to others, so together we can all talk more and suffer less.
René’s story
Jay Jay and me go way back. We’ve been through a lot together.
When I decided to take on the 100-mile walk challenge – which started as a passing thought on my way to the gym – I knew I wanted JJ to do it with me.
We knew it was an opportunity to raise awareness for something close to our hearts – men’s mental health. The journey itself embodies the challenges we all face in life. Having lost two friends to suicide, we researched and found that Movember was the leading charity for men’s mental health. It was our first year supporting Movember, and we’re incredibly proud to have raised just over £3,000.
Movement and exercise is something that’s helped me with my own mental health. So this challenge became a perfect reflection of my physical and mental journey. The aim was to inspire others feeling stuck, or on the verge of giving up on their goals, to instead persevere and push forward.
It wasn’t until the journey had began that I was able to truly recognise that it would not have been possible to do this challenge alone, as walking 100 miles with friends, is easier than walking 100 miles alone. I’m proud to say I was able to achieve this goal, and it would not have been possible without brotherhood and camaraderie.
Adam’s story
I’ve known Jay Jay and René for half my life and have learned countless lessons across the course of our friendship. One of the most important lessons is that of accountability, honesty and trust, which is a common theme across our conversations. I’ve always felt comfortable admitting shortcomings to both of them, with no fear of negative outcomes. Even when their advice’s blunt, it’s been for good reason.
During university, I was exposed to mental health challenges for a variety of reasons. But thanks to the strong friendships, especially René & Jay Jay, I was able to work through those challenges.
When our friend, Pierce, tragically took his life, it was a real turning point. I learned how easy it can be to miss subtle signals from people in need of help. And however hopeless you believe your situation to be, there’s always a choice to be made. Seeing the number of people who attended Pierce’s funeral and shared amazing stories of the impact he (likely unknowingly) had on them, is a testament to how the little things can make all the difference.
Given these experiences, mental health has always been a topic close to my heart. When René told me about the walk and its purpose for both us and others, I was keen to join the journey.
The scale of the challenge and my fitness, relative to Jay Jay and René, meant I knew this would be the biggest physical challenge of my life. As a competitive person, it was something to be relished.
Unlike the other two, I didn’t complete the walk, pulling out after 42 miles. Initially, I was pretty dejected and disappointed with myself. While that is still the case, the overarching takeaway for me was to truly understand the reasons for the failure. Going full circle to accountability, honesty and trust to self-analyse has led to a number of actions I can now take forward with confidence and also to ensure I'm able to complete our next endeavour. I’m thankful for the opportunity to join on such an amazing journey, and for the continuous learning that has come from this.